1. I was scared to death to be a parent and now I would be scared if I hadn't been one.
2. I taught my children to think and problem solve for themselves, so a lot of times they don't agree with me and I am proud of that fact.
3. My family used to drive from Ca to Tx. We would go through small towns and it amazed me, it was like never never land to me, and now I live there!
4. I love TV but we have not had a TV in our home for the last ten years (yes, not ANY TV)
5. I used ot think that boys and girls were really alike and that it was just personality differences that made them different...then I had a boy of my own and realized that I WAS VERY WRONG!!
6. I love living outside of a small town, love my privacy, love the craziness and the quietness of small town life- I can always go visit big city and then come back home.
7. I have learned that red neck people are people too.
8. I home school my son.
9. If I could change one thing about past self, I would change how indecisive I had been.
10. My dream would be to take my children to the Pacific ocean and the redwoods.
11. I don't plan to remarry unless God beats me about the head with it (don't see that happening)
12. I am a Christian who still makes a lot of mistakes but keeps on trying.
13. I am opinionated and voice it with discretion (hahahaha)
14. I want my concealed hand gun license and that scares my kids (except for my son, he thinks it would be cool to have his momma packing).
15. I like to climb through caves.
16. I am a goal setting freak! I believe setting goals and reevaluating them is a very healthy thing as long as you realize that you need to go with the flow of life and honestly adjust when it throws you a curve.
17. to go along with that goal setting thing- I also believe that it is important that you make sure you 'set a goal' of adventure, in some form in your life and DO IT!
18. I love working from home (a large part of it anyway). I get to sit in my jammies at the cpu and work while my son is finishing his school work!
19.I am supposed to run a 5K this summer and am NO WHERE NEAR READY!!!!!!
20. I am not shy unless I have to shop for clothes. I have not a clue what to wear with what or really care. I hate shopping for clothes.
21. I love LOVE book stores.
22. I have no problem having a drink on occasion.
23. I love being with my family. That is when I am happiest.
Here are the rules: Once you've been tagged, write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
I am so glad my Hanna is back! She has been gone on a retreat. The name of it was Called. It was for HS or college age kids that feel led to the ministry in some form or fashion. It was just what she needed. However, I missed her terribly (she has been gone since Friday). I know. I am wierd but I have to tell you, I actually like being around my teenager! She is wonderful! Sure, we have words sometimes, but, not cutting or hateful, just disagreements. This is short. I am washing all of her clothes before she gets home. She had a huge pile in her room before she left. She likes to do her own laundry but there was so much of it! Our drier has been broken. It has been difficult for us to stay caught up on laundry. So, hopefully she will be surprised. She is back, but I dropped her off at friend's house so I could have about 40 min to get the last load dry (I hope).
1. noodles
2. hot tea
3. toothbrushes
4. sweats
5. hangers
1. noodles
2. hot tea
3. toothbrushes
4. sweats
5. hangers
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Single parenting and the importance of Dads
I grew up without a father. Mom married a man unwisely, her third marriage, and when she was pregnant with me (and my sister, we are twins) he ran off to California to his pregnant girlfriend. He ran out on both my mother and his girlfriend, leaving behind three 'fatherless' newborns.
Mom married again when I was just in diapers. He died of cancer when I was six. She married yet again when I was twelve. He died in a car crash in which we were all involved, two weeks before I turned thirteen. She dated a man, ever so wisely, that she corresponded with from Vacaville Prison when I was 14. I remember when she would take my sisters and I on some of those 'dates'. These are memories I would rather not have.
My twin and I didn't even realize it but we were starving for a male role model in our life. Unfortunately there are many 'men' who prey on those who are starved ready to feed them poison. When you have a single parent the children are more likely to be preyed upon.
The one thing I always wanted was a dad; someone who loved me unconditionally, who would protect me from evil, someone who would hold me out of love, and scold me out of the same emotion. I never had that. Now to the more recent present.
When I married, one of the most important things I wanted was a family. I was scared, but still the desire was so strong. I was afraid that I would not be good enough. What if I was not a good enough mom? What if I was not a good enough wife? What would happen to my children? I never wanted a divorce. I never wanted to be a single parent. I NEVER wanted my children to grow up without a dad in their lives. If I could not have a loving attentive father at least I could do everything possible to see to it that my children had one. At that I failed.
After the divorce I chose to stay in the small town that my ex and his family lived in. I am still here, sixteen years later. Two of the three girls are grown, and having children of their own. The third girl is on her way to becoming a wonderful adult and is already an amazing person. They are all three wonderful. But, I did not succeed in choosing wisely a father for them. Nor did I choose wisely in the father of my son.
I may have remained in the close vicinity of the girl's dad, but that did not mean HE would choose to be a loving father.
My son's sperm donor is nothing more than that. He has chosen to never see my son. So be it. I share the blame in this. Choose wisely with whom you might make a baby.
I have made extreme efforts to make sure my girls and especially my son are around good Godly men, from strong marriages, with values I approve. I no longer date. They are all loved greatly, and I am keenly aware of the dangers that face them from coming from a single parent home. I am on alert and have taught them to trust their instincts when it comes to people. If, even today for the grown girls, they call me and are in a situation with someone, even someone we know and love, feel strange, threatened or the like, I will rescue them or have someone else do so without question or need for justification.
But, I know first hand that no matter what I do to fill the hole of not having a loving attentive father it will never be the right 'fit'. I know that there will ALWAYS be a father shaped hole in all of my children's hearts because of the choices the men in my life have made, AND also the choices I made in them. NO MATTER WHAT, my children will live with that.
Fathers, good dads are so very necessary in a girl's and a boy's life! I do not understand why anyone would choose to be single with a child on purpose! I view it as selfish and cruel. I see it from both sides and the view is not pretty any way you look at it.
I cried at a friend's dad's funeral recently. I didn't cry because he had died. I cried because I wish I could understand the life she had with her dad. It was amazing, not perfect, but filled with his love. I am so glad she had that gift. I just wish more people would understand and be willing to give that gift to their children.
If you have a dad, thank him. If you are a dad, do you realize how important you are? Do you take seriously the responsibility of the love you give? Be the dad that I never had. Be the dad that so many children are without. After all, don't your children deserve the best?
The heater in my home
A warm coat
Bath and body hand lotion
Chapstick
Cuddly blankets
Mom married again when I was just in diapers. He died of cancer when I was six. She married yet again when I was twelve. He died in a car crash in which we were all involved, two weeks before I turned thirteen. She dated a man, ever so wisely, that she corresponded with from Vacaville Prison when I was 14. I remember when she would take my sisters and I on some of those 'dates'. These are memories I would rather not have.
My twin and I didn't even realize it but we were starving for a male role model in our life. Unfortunately there are many 'men' who prey on those who are starved ready to feed them poison. When you have a single parent the children are more likely to be preyed upon.
The one thing I always wanted was a dad; someone who loved me unconditionally, who would protect me from evil, someone who would hold me out of love, and scold me out of the same emotion. I never had that. Now to the more recent present.
When I married, one of the most important things I wanted was a family. I was scared, but still the desire was so strong. I was afraid that I would not be good enough. What if I was not a good enough mom? What if I was not a good enough wife? What would happen to my children? I never wanted a divorce. I never wanted to be a single parent. I NEVER wanted my children to grow up without a dad in their lives. If I could not have a loving attentive father at least I could do everything possible to see to it that my children had one. At that I failed.
After the divorce I chose to stay in the small town that my ex and his family lived in. I am still here, sixteen years later. Two of the three girls are grown, and having children of their own. The third girl is on her way to becoming a wonderful adult and is already an amazing person. They are all three wonderful. But, I did not succeed in choosing wisely a father for them. Nor did I choose wisely in the father of my son.
I may have remained in the close vicinity of the girl's dad, but that did not mean HE would choose to be a loving father.
My son's sperm donor is nothing more than that. He has chosen to never see my son. So be it. I share the blame in this. Choose wisely with whom you might make a baby.
I have made extreme efforts to make sure my girls and especially my son are around good Godly men, from strong marriages, with values I approve. I no longer date. They are all loved greatly, and I am keenly aware of the dangers that face them from coming from a single parent home. I am on alert and have taught them to trust their instincts when it comes to people. If, even today for the grown girls, they call me and are in a situation with someone, even someone we know and love, feel strange, threatened or the like, I will rescue them or have someone else do so without question or need for justification.
But, I know first hand that no matter what I do to fill the hole of not having a loving attentive father it will never be the right 'fit'. I know that there will ALWAYS be a father shaped hole in all of my children's hearts because of the choices the men in my life have made, AND also the choices I made in them. NO MATTER WHAT, my children will live with that.
Fathers, good dads are so very necessary in a girl's and a boy's life! I do not understand why anyone would choose to be single with a child on purpose! I view it as selfish and cruel. I see it from both sides and the view is not pretty any way you look at it.
I cried at a friend's dad's funeral recently. I didn't cry because he had died. I cried because I wish I could understand the life she had with her dad. It was amazing, not perfect, but filled with his love. I am so glad she had that gift. I just wish more people would understand and be willing to give that gift to their children.
If you have a dad, thank him. If you are a dad, do you realize how important you are? Do you take seriously the responsibility of the love you give? Be the dad that I never had. Be the dad that so many children are without. After all, don't your children deserve the best?
The heater in my home
A warm coat
Bath and body hand lotion
Chapstick
Cuddly blankets
Friday, January 23, 2009
grace in small things
1. my 'new' drier a friend gave me.
2. homemade carmel
3. hot bubble baths
4. cell phones so I can talk with my daughters
5. back rubs
Answers to the Interview
1.First, the obvious question. What is the greatest benefit and worst byproduct of being a twin?
The greatest benefit of being a twin would be a companion that really does understand what and who you are because they have been with you throughout all the years and most of the experiences you have had. The downside would have to be when you are NOT the smallest twin and they talk all of your skinny clothes or people expect you to have the same points of view or likes and dislikes. Trust me, my twin and I differ in MANY things!
2.You mentioned you are a grandma of two and you have a 5 1/2 year old. That is a much different grandparenting experience than most. Do you see yourself as a typical grandma? Why or why not? I am not sure what the 'typical' grandma is. I have made a decision to be different than my children's grandma in some ways; there had always been a kind of competitive spirit that she exhibited. There is NO competition between a grandparent and a parent. The parent wins hands down and what they say goes! As a grandparent you do get to enjoy endulging the child, but you should NEVER undermine the parent. Just the opposite. The grandparent should seek out opportunities to uplift and show support and admiration for the parents. The why is because I have a strong belief in respecting parents. It is healthy for my child and her child. Why would I do anything that would be detrimental to either of them?
3.There must be a good difference in the age of your oldest and the age of your youngest. How do you feel your parenting has changed as you have had more life experience, or has it?
My parenting has evolved to say the least! I am much more calm in some ways. I enjoy being a parent more because I am not as nervous as I was when I was young. I also know without a doubt that I am the best thing for my son and what I decide for him may not be the mainstream, but so what? My job is not to please others but to raise a valiant young man. When I was younger I let my inexperience get in the way of my mothering. I trusted others many different opinons and advice instead of my own instinct way to often! Not so anymore.I am a much more confident parent. When my daughters say, "you would never let us get away with that!" I tell them that just because I made that mistake with them does not mean I should with my son now!
4. Your favorite books are "too many to count" but do you prefer a certain genre?
Wow, this is a hard question. I think it would be easier to say that the genre I dislike the most is Sci Fi (my twin loves it). I also never read romance novels whether they are classified as 'Christian' or not.
5.What is your favorite thing to do with your 5 1/2 year old? What is his favorite thing to do with you?MMMM..... I love to go for walks and discover things with him. We walk to the lake close to our home and go skip rocks. I think that is probably the best. We spend time finding things and sharing stories. He loves to explore and ask A LOT of questions. I try to answer them. I think his favorite thing right now is playing games with me. We play internet games and also a board game called 'Sequence'. We have the capital states version of the game and for some crazy reason he loves it!
Here's the directions: 1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me." 2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. (I get to pick the questions). 3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions. 4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
The greatest benefit of being a twin would be a companion that really does understand what and who you are because they have been with you throughout all the years and most of the experiences you have had. The downside would have to be when you are NOT the smallest twin and they talk all of your skinny clothes or people expect you to have the same points of view or likes and dislikes. Trust me, my twin and I differ in MANY things!
2.You mentioned you are a grandma of two and you have a 5 1/2 year old. That is a much different grandparenting experience than most. Do you see yourself as a typical grandma? Why or why not? I am not sure what the 'typical' grandma is. I have made a decision to be different than my children's grandma in some ways; there had always been a kind of competitive spirit that she exhibited. There is NO competition between a grandparent and a parent. The parent wins hands down and what they say goes! As a grandparent you do get to enjoy endulging the child, but you should NEVER undermine the parent. Just the opposite. The grandparent should seek out opportunities to uplift and show support and admiration for the parents. The why is because I have a strong belief in respecting parents. It is healthy for my child and her child. Why would I do anything that would be detrimental to either of them?
3.There must be a good difference in the age of your oldest and the age of your youngest. How do you feel your parenting has changed as you have had more life experience, or has it?
My parenting has evolved to say the least! I am much more calm in some ways. I enjoy being a parent more because I am not as nervous as I was when I was young. I also know without a doubt that I am the best thing for my son and what I decide for him may not be the mainstream, but so what? My job is not to please others but to raise a valiant young man. When I was younger I let my inexperience get in the way of my mothering. I trusted others many different opinons and advice instead of my own instinct way to often! Not so anymore.I am a much more confident parent. When my daughters say, "you would never let us get away with that!" I tell them that just because I made that mistake with them does not mean I should with my son now!
4. Your favorite books are "too many to count" but do you prefer a certain genre?
Wow, this is a hard question. I think it would be easier to say that the genre I dislike the most is Sci Fi (my twin loves it). I also never read romance novels whether they are classified as 'Christian' or not.
5.What is your favorite thing to do with your 5 1/2 year old? What is his favorite thing to do with you?MMMM..... I love to go for walks and discover things with him. We walk to the lake close to our home and go skip rocks. I think that is probably the best. We spend time finding things and sharing stories. He loves to explore and ask A LOT of questions. I try to answer them. I think his favorite thing right now is playing games with me. We play internet games and also a board game called 'Sequence'. We have the capital states version of the game and for some crazy reason he loves it!
Here's the directions: 1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me." 2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. (I get to pick the questions). 3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions. 4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
The Marking of a Life
The following is an older piece that I wrote. I am cheating a bit, but so what? Creed is my five and a half (he won't let me forget the half) year old. He has taught me so much! All I ever needed to know about life I learned FROM a Kindergartner...
I collapsed on the couch one evening. Creed standing at my feet, with a puzzled look on his face asked, “Momma, are you mad?” “No, Creed”, I sighed. “Then, are you frustrated?” was his next question. “No, I am not frustrated.” He took the two steps to reach my face. Reaching down he ran a finger along my frown line in the middle of my forehead. “Are you sure?”
Oh children. You have got to love them. My exhaustion was still there, but so was the realization that I had a lot to be thankful for. I reached out and scooped him up. He deserved a good tickling.
What we do leaves a mark on our lives. It may seem like a little thing at the time, quite natural even, but little by little each action ads up and leaves a deep groove in our environment and hearts. Our actions and words have weight that changes the perception of how people view us, relationships, life. It matters, the little things. It matters the “little lies” we tell people. It matters the small indiscretions that we reason are nobody’s business but ours. It matters.
With each choice me make, good and bad, we form reality; the reality of our relationships with our children, our friends, our social circles. Our deviant actions overrule our desire for healthy relationships and happy endings. We may think we can juggle all of those ruses, but in truth, you might be able to for a while, but in the end your life is on the floor bouncing out of control. The little things matter.
We have all made bad choices at times, horrific ones even. But, it is in the consistency of continuing to make bad choices that leaves the scar. Bad choices can be overcome and replaced with a determination to choose right, even with the little things. If you have found yourself where it has become easy to discount those little things, I would be worried. Integrity begins with the small. Losing integrity in the simplicity of our daily choices leaves little strength in the foundation of life.
In the end, the deception is on us. The markings of our choices become more visible with each repetition. It marks us, just like that frown line in the middle of my forehead. Over time, my frowns and frustrations have left their mark on me! As I see it, I wish I had more laugh lines than frown wrinkles. Maybe that is how we should mark our lives; making the choices that mark us with the remnants of joy, instead of the frustration of shame.
I collapsed on the couch one evening. Creed standing at my feet, with a puzzled look on his face asked, “Momma, are you mad?” “No, Creed”, I sighed. “Then, are you frustrated?” was his next question. “No, I am not frustrated.” He took the two steps to reach my face. Reaching down he ran a finger along my frown line in the middle of my forehead. “Are you sure?”
Oh children. You have got to love them. My exhaustion was still there, but so was the realization that I had a lot to be thankful for. I reached out and scooped him up. He deserved a good tickling.
What we do leaves a mark on our lives. It may seem like a little thing at the time, quite natural even, but little by little each action ads up and leaves a deep groove in our environment and hearts. Our actions and words have weight that changes the perception of how people view us, relationships, life. It matters, the little things. It matters the “little lies” we tell people. It matters the small indiscretions that we reason are nobody’s business but ours. It matters.
With each choice me make, good and bad, we form reality; the reality of our relationships with our children, our friends, our social circles. Our deviant actions overrule our desire for healthy relationships and happy endings. We may think we can juggle all of those ruses, but in truth, you might be able to for a while, but in the end your life is on the floor bouncing out of control. The little things matter.
We have all made bad choices at times, horrific ones even. But, it is in the consistency of continuing to make bad choices that leaves the scar. Bad choices can be overcome and replaced with a determination to choose right, even with the little things. If you have found yourself where it has become easy to discount those little things, I would be worried. Integrity begins with the small. Losing integrity in the simplicity of our daily choices leaves little strength in the foundation of life.
In the end, the deception is on us. The markings of our choices become more visible with each repetition. It marks us, just like that frown line in the middle of my forehead. Over time, my frowns and frustrations have left their mark on me! As I see it, I wish I had more laugh lines than frown wrinkles. Maybe that is how we should mark our lives; making the choices that mark us with the remnants of joy, instead of the frustration of shame.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Just the beginning
My sister made me do this. Not really, but kinda. I used to blog on xanga, and got away from that. Too busy. So, why start blogging here, now? I have no idea.
Who knows what this will turn out to be. I am trying to get back in shape. I have a five and a half year old (don't forget the half. It drives him crazy), I am 45 and I need all of the energy I can get! You can't get that from ding dongs and sitting at a computer (really, I have tried). Eat less, move more.
This is just the beginning, of what? I dunno.
Who knows what this will turn out to be. I am trying to get back in shape. I have a five and a half year old (don't forget the half. It drives him crazy), I am 45 and I need all of the energy I can get! You can't get that from ding dongs and sitting at a computer (really, I have tried). Eat less, move more.
This is just the beginning, of what? I dunno.
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